Separation anxiety

As a dog trainer, I often have to help pet parents with dogs suffering from separation anxiety of varying degrees of intensity. However, when it comes to the Baby Beast, I'm at something of a loss.

I know it's normal for a baby to have no desire to be separated from it's mother. In fact, I'd worry about a baby who didn't mind Mommy leaving it behind; that's not evolutionarily sound! If babies didn't get upset about Mommy leaving, the likelihood of them dying is increased. Babies who can watch Mommy walk away without raising a fuss might be forgotten and left behind, and babies left behind are at risk of predation and death.

Of course, in our modern world, it's not terribly likely that a tiger is going to eat the Baby Beast if I leave him behind with the Husbeast or his loving Grandma while I go to work or out to a non-baby-friendly appointment somewhere. But that doesn't change his reaction.



Since I am so able to help others with dogs suffering separation anxiety, it never occurred to me that I might have to figure out how to struggle through separation anxiety in my own home. Of course, I didn't take into account the fact that I'd have a non-canine individual dependent on me.

So, I'm in uncharted waters. How to best comfort the Baby Beast without creating a needy, clinging, totally dependent child with no self-confidence? The timing of author Elizabeth Pantley's newest book just couldn't be better.

I first met Mrs. Pantley through The No-Cry Sleep Solution when I was having issues with getting - and keeping - the Baby Beast into the Land of Sleep. That problem resolved with some of the tactics presented in TNCSS, but then a new issue cropped up: nap-time wakings, after only a tiny bit of sleep.

I wandered through TNCSS several times trying to figure out how to apply these things to the naps, and around that time, stumbled across a forum posting about Pantley's The No-Cry Nap Solution.I read this, applied a few reimagined tips, and voila! He was napping like a baby (Beast).

So when I heard about Mrs. Pantley's newest book, The No-Cry Separation Anxiety Solution, I knew what would be next on my to-read list.

I love Mrs. Pantley's matter-of-fact way of approaching sleep problems, and I'm sure I'll love her separation anxiety solutions. If you're interested in Mrs. Pantley's other books (and there are scads), check out her Web site: http://www.nocrysolution.com/

As with everything I recommend, I want to emphasize that you read it and find what works for you. Find something in it that resonates with you. Not everything in every book works for everyone. For example, in the sleep books, Mrs. Pantley recommends doing some modified cry-it-out techniques, something I would never do with my children... so I don't do it. I use the other gems of advice in the books to work for our family.

So, hopefully I'll be able to get my hands on the book soon, and no longer have to look at a pitifully crying, hands-reaching-towards-me-in-a-"Don't-leave-me!" gesture baby when I'm heading out the door... even if it is an evolutionarily wise choice for him to not want me to go.

Toddling towards a better way of disciplining

Now that the Baby Beast is officially a toddler (even though he's only 12 months old; he walks - and sometimes runs - every where, so he's toddling), I find that there are days when I find it ridiculously hard not to fall into typical human behavior: hitting.

Hitting one another is a human thing, so much so that we've tried to take a Bible verse (Proverbs, literally "a proverbial saying;" more on that in a moment) about shepherding/guiding sheep and turn it into a justification for laying a violent hand on our children.

Now, before someone jumps on me for misinterpreting the Biblical verse, take a moment to read through all the English versions of the verse (and if you speak another language, read them, too): Proverbs 13:24

In all these verses, I see nothing about "punishing" or "punishment." I see "chasten" and I see "discipline." Let's compare the three words:

Chasten: To restrain; subdue.
Discipline: to train by instruction and exercise; drill.
Punish: to subject to pain, loss, confinement, death, etc., as a penalty for some offense, transgression, or fault.

Now, of those three, which one sounds most inclined towards raising a hand (whether in anger or disappointment) against someone too small to protect themselves?

Many people say that the "rod" is in reference to the shepherd's rod or crook, the stick used to guide sheep. And while that rod is often used roughly (to hook around a wandering sheep's neck and jerk him back into place, for example), it is never used to beat a sheep into submission (unless the shepherd in question has some serious problems).

But all of this is simply coming from a proverbial saying. It would be like taking as instruction, "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." And while this is good advice to keep in mind, it does not literally mean you should walk around with a bird held in your hand.

All of this simply to say: I am choosing a gentler form of discipline. Children learn behavior from adults. How hypocritical is it to tell your child, "Don't hit!" and then swat them (whether on the tush, the hand, the arm, the shoulder... whatever body part you choose, it is still hitting).

And lest we forget:

Hit: to deal a blow or stroke to.

Sounds like a spanking to me.

There are boundless books dealing with non-violent discipline for children, and I am currently reading them as fast as I can. Because I find myself often getting frustrated with the Baby Beast for being a normal toddler and getting into everything, and wanting to do things his own way, and wanting to explore. Here are the ones I recommend:

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn

Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen

I have read or am reading those. Books that I have on my list of To Read include:

The Natural Child by Jan Hunt

The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp

I hope that some of these will be useful to you; they certainly have been for me.

You may ask how gentle discipline fits in with natural parenting, since humans have almost certainly been smacking each other since the days when they were pre-humans who looked more like apes than modern man. What is more natural than respecting another human being as a human being? After all, while the Baby Beast is my baby, he is also another person who will someday be making his own life choices. Do I want him to have a firmly rooted base in using violence to end disputes, or would I rather him be able to reason through things and talk about problems? To me, that's a no brainer.

And all that is besides the perk of having a happy, secure toddler.

Memories of a first birthday

On April 1st, my little April Fool turned a year old. To celebrate that, we went out to lunch at our favorite Thai place (which the Baby Beast loves - the spring rolls fit perfectly in his little hands).



Once we were full, we headed out to the Oklahoma City Zoo (a long enough drive that the birthday boy was able to get in a nap). Both the Husbeast and I love the Zoo (especially since they're continually upgrading the habitats to be better for the animals) and the Baby Beast seemed to enjoy it, as well.



Spring was in full bloom at the Zoo, and while it was windy (and Oklahoma norm), it was also 80-something degrees, making it perfect Zoo weather.



The baby and I spent at least fifteen minutes sitting beside an artificial stream in the Children's Zoo, playing with rocks and resting our feet in the cool, chlorine-scented water.



He could've happily spent the entire day there, I think, and had it not been such a popular spot with the other children, I would've let him. Unfortunately, older kids wanted to splash and throw the river rocks, and it just didn't seem like a safe place for a 12-month-old to stay for long. So we bid adieu to the wonderful little stream and headed back out into the Zoo proper.



We met a few of the touchable Zoo denizens (even if the most the Baby Beast could ever manage was to point).



By the end of the day, the Baby Beast was more than ready to head home... and, of course, fell asleep during the drive again.



I made a raw cake for him, since I'm still not comfortable giving him cow's milk in any amounts, and eggs and wheat only in small amounts. The Un-Chocolate Mousse Cake was delicious, and looked as good as any homebaked cake I've seen.

And the little man definitely enjoyed his serving of cake.



All things considered, a wonderful first birthday. Here's to the little guy who came into our life a cuddling lump and has now become a toddling whirlwind. I can't wait to see what other changes he'll go through in his life.

Raw30: Day 26, 27, & 28

The last few days have been so hectic and wild, I've been amazed if I managed to eat, let alone if I managed to eat something raw. Days like the last three would be ideal days to have a lot of things waiting for me... dehydrated crackers and snack bars and lots of raw dressings that I only need to throw handfuls of greens and sprouts in a bowl to complement.

Instead, I haven't had time to do much of anything. So it was a huge relief tonight to go to the Raw Meetup that happens once a month in Oklahoma City.



It's a great time with great people, and it gives the Husbeast and I a chance to have some really good, gourmet raw food without having to spend a ton. It's basically a raw potluck - everyone brings a dish, and we all sample each others' foods. We're supposed to bring along recipes, just so anyone who really likes the dish can make it themselves.



It was a delight to be there. Everything from salad to raw chocolate pie to a raw enchilada demonstration by one of the guests.




I made something I knew I loved (and hoped others would): Stuffed Portobella Mushroom Caps

We took the Baby Beast with us. Since I've started working, he's been especially needy and clingy, and (for the most part) I haven't minded being clung to. After all, when you spend four or five hours away from someone you're used to spending 23 hours a day with, it's kind of a shock.



He sampled most of the raw foods (he's still a cracker fiend; he went after the raw crackers on my plate and took off with one in his hand, munching away) and charmed most of the people there. I got a lot of comments on what a "good baby" he was. He's just a securely attached baby, I think. He knows everything is going to be okay, so he's comfortable in social situations (usually).



So, after eating a huge variety of really flippin' delicious raw foods, I'm feeling pretty happy. And reinvigorated! I am looking forward to making Berry Bars tomorrow, and may actually get the ingredients to make a Lentil Cup Salad again... because that was one delicious salad.



So, while the 30 days of compulsive raw are nearly done, I am still looking forward to eating a wide variety of yummy raw things. So I would call the experiment a success.

Raw30: Day 25

Occasionally, I am blown away by one of the raw recipes. Today's did just that.

Strawberry Crêpes*. The filling tastes like cream cheese. The outer shell is so chewy and delicious. And the strawberry topping is so sweet, but not CANDY sweet.



I had a hard day. My MommyJob was tiring, and then I had to go to the job that pays money... and it's still a slog. You see, the Pet Trainer who was working there before me left in the middle of the classes. Everything is an unholy mess. Trying to make sense of her old classes and all the paperwork is going to give me an ulcer, seriously.

So to come home and be able to whip together something really tasty (and really healthy!) is incredibly nice. I can't even tell you how wonderful it is.

And, hey, we even have enough for breakfast tomorrow!

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Strawberry Crêpes

Crêpe Shells
5-6 RIPE bananas

Filling
1 c macadamia nuts
1 c cashews
1 large lemon, juiced
4 tsp honey
2 tsp Bragg Liquid Aminos
1 tsp vanilla
2 tsp water

Strawberry Sauce
1 1/2 c strawberries
1-2 Tblsp raw honey

For crêpe shells:
1. Place bananas in a food processor and blend until smooth
2. Remove from processor and spread about 1/8 inch thick onto a Teflex sheet on top of a dehydrator screen.
3. Dehydrate for 14 hours** or fewer. (Begin checking the bananas a few hours before to make sure they are formed, pliable, and solid in texture, but not getting crispy)
4. Remove from dehydrator and slice into strips (about 4"x2").

For filling:
1. Place filling ingredients in a food processor and blend until smooth.

For strawberry sauce:
Combine strawberries and honey in a good processor and blend until smooth.

To assemble:
1. Pour strawberry sauce onto plate in a thin layer so as to cover bottom of plate.
2. Place scoops of filling onto banana fruit leather strips and roll up. Place on plate with enough room in between so each crêpe is not touching.
3. Pour strawberry sauce over the rolled up crêpes.

Note: It's important to let the crêpes sit for at least a couple of hours with the strawberry sauce on top. The sauce will soften the fruit leather and make it "crêpe-like" instead of hard and chewy***. These are also great the next day!

** Mine went for about 8-9hr and they were ready to go.

*** We liked the chewy texture, although I'm sure they're just as awesome when softened by the strawberry sauce.

Raw30: Day 24

The crackers came out fantastic! I enjoyed having them... when I finally could. Today we had a regional meeting for Pet Trainers, so I had to be somewhere at 8am. What, that's not so bad? It is when you've been up nursing a baby all night!

Baby Beast had a bad night, waking me up throughout to nurse for a minute or two, just long enough to feel 'better' and doze back off (thank god we co-sleep; if i was having to go to another room for this, i wouldn't take it nearly so amicably). I think it was the small amount of dairy I had a couple days ago. While he doesn't seem to be having a full-blown reaction, he has been just a little more clingy... but then again, that might just be having me be at work for four hours.

Regardless, we had a night of poor sleep, then I had to be up and getting ready at 6:45am, a full hour before Baby Beast and I normally roll out of the family bed.

And then the clothes dryer broke. THE HITS, THEY JUST KEEP ON COMIN'!

So today was spent running from one side of the city to the other and back again, trying to accomplish all the things that needed to be accomplished.

At least I had some nummy crackers to take with me. And I ended up with three baggies full, so I might have them for several days! Now I just need to make some raw nut cheese to put on them...

Raw30: Day 23

Today was too busy to accomplish much, but I did get the Vegetable Flax Crackers mixed and into the dehydrator, and according to their schedule of readiness, we ought to be able to dig in sometime tomorrow morning.

Otherwise, I spent the day in a huff trying to deal with a lot of inner emotional turmoil. Everything that caused the huff has been cleared up, and I feel much better now... but I have a really early morning tomorrow (roughly two hours earlier than the Baby Beast and I usually rise) so I'm not even going to bother trying to do more than say, "Look, y'all, the crackers are dehydrating!"


Waiting to be broken into cracker-sized pieces tomorrow